By Bimbo Adenrele
The sitting room was unusually quiet as 17-year-old Itohan watched her father, Eghosa, sit silently, lost in grief. Two months had passed since his beloved wife, Osariemen, died from complications during childbirth. Although their newborn daughter, Emotan, survived, the family’s world had been turned upside down.
Eghosa and Osariemen had shared a love story admired by many. Even after marriage, people in their community respected the way Eghosa cherished his wife and children. He worked tirelessly to ensure his family never lacked anything. But with Osariemen gone, the once vibrant home was now filled with silence and sorrow.
As the first child, Itohan understood that someone had to be strong. Gently strapping baby Emotan to her back as the infant slept peacefully, she approached her father. “Papa,” she said softly, “I have decided to defer my studies for one academic session so I can take care of Emotan and the family.”
Eghosa looked up immediately. “Never!” he replied firmly. “Emotan will stay with your Aunt Oghogho.”
Itohan shook her head. “Papa, Aunt Oghogho is a banker with a demanding career. Even her twin boys spend most of the day with their househelp until she returns from work. Besides, you know she and Mama never got along. Mama made us promise, before she died, that we would take care of Osaze and Emotan together. If Emotan stays with Auntie, she’ll simply be left in the care of the househelp.”
Her words lingered in the room. Eghosa sighed deeply. He knew his daughter was right. His younger sister, Oghogho, was hardworking but strong-willed, while Osariemen had always been equally firm. Their relationship had never been warm. As an orphan, Eghosa had no relatives he could truly rely on.
After a long silence, he offered another suggestion. “Perhaps I should take Emotan to your grandmother in Benin.”
Itohan considered the idea before responding. “Grandma is deeply committed to her business at the market, her responsibilities as the women’s community leader, and church activities. She would never leave Benin to live with us in Abuja, and taking Emotan there would separate her from us.” She paused before adding gently, “Please don’t worry about me, Papa. I’m only in my second year at the university. We resume in two weeks, and I can apply for a one-year deferment. Education can wait for a season. My family cannot.”
Eghosa looked at his daughter with admiration. At just 17, Itohan was already a second-year engineering student whose intelligence matched her remarkable maturity. She had inherited not only her mother’s beauty but also her strength of character. Seeing her father’s hesitation, she continued, “Thank God you own your automobile company. Together, we can raise Osaze and Emotan. When I return to school next year, we’ll enrol Emotan in a good crèche. Either you can pick her after work or I can do so after lectures. It won’t be easy, but we’ll make it work.”
Eghosa rubbed his forehead thoughtfully. His daughter was speaking with the wisdom of someone far beyond her years. Even before her mother’s death, Itohan had been a dependable helper, assisting with household chores before school, preparing meals, and supporting her younger brother, Osaze. Since Osariemen’s passing, she had naturally stepped into the role of caregiver, ensuring the home continued to function despite the family’s grief.
He reflected on everything she had quietly taken upon herself: caring for two-month-old Emotan, looking after 14-year-old Osaze, managing the household, and comforting a father whose heart was still broken. Finally, emotion filled his voice. “God bless you, my daughter,” he said. “May God continue to guide and strengthen us.”
Slowly, the Aigbe family began learning how to live again. Though the pain of losing Osariemen would never disappear, they found hope in one another. And in the quiet courage of a teenage daughter, a grieving family discovered the strength to face tomorrow together.
Educator Mr. Aselowo Clement Olajide highlights the common responsibilities of the firstborn child in the family. He explained that a first child is saddled with responsibilities that include ensuring good leadership through coordination and self-organization. This, he noted, is a core character of the first child and extends to society at large.
He emphasized that the first child should be worthy of emulation, not only to their siblings but also to the wider community. According to him, the first child must have foresight and the ability to solve issues with decorum, without bias, and must cultivate listening ears.
Olajide further asserted that the first child is responsible for fostering love within the family. “You cannot give what you don’t have,” he said, stressing that love must be cultivated in order to dispense it. He described the first child as a “keeper,” someone who must watch out for siblings, and a provider in aspects of spiritual guidance, finance, psychological and emotional support, and other areas where help is needed.
He added that the first child serves as a role model by imbibing core values such as integrity, transparency, honesty, and patriotism. Enumerating the challenges faced by firstborns, Olajide observed that a major challenge is the inability to fill the gap left by parents, especially when expected to provide for the family. In African settings, where much is expected from the first child, failure in this role can lead to irrelevance or even ostracism within the family.
