By Patrick Wemambu
Social media platforms recently went gaga over the provocative by design discussion on the above subject which got netizens talking because family, work and faith were pitted against one another. Drawing inspiration from the foregoing, our correspondent went to town to conduct a survey on how women prioritize family hierarchy, workplace respect and spiritual authority. Just to spark debate and engagement, who will you serve first at a dinner party you’re hosting as chef? Is it your husband, pastor or office boss? We interviewed a few female respondents. Their responses were as fascinating as they were interesting.
“To me, the question of who to serve first should not be only about food. It ought to revolve around respect, hierarchy, and what we believe a person’s role entitles them to within the aforementioned mix.
“That’s why a simple dinner party question – husband, boss, or pastor? – can trigger an endless debate. This is because the answer can reveal how we still negotiate tradition, faith, career, and family in the same room,” Dr. Mary-Jane Oriagonaya, a sociologist who doubles as a widow hypothesized.
Navigating the intersection between love and peace, Binta A’ishetu Musa who just clocked 6 years in marriage chose her husband to serve first. She argued that after the hypothetical dinner-party, the other concerned guests will go back to their families. That leaves her alone with her hubby whom she referred to as head of her family.
Reminded that the acronym is being reframed in most homes with more women becoming breadwinners and more men engaging in domestic work, Musa agreed. But she was quick to opine that she would still serve her husband as duty and in deference to patriarchy rules.
Throwing her weight behind the views of the last respondent, Oriaku Nkiruka Chukwujekwu, a housewife who recently celebrated her tin wedding anniversary told us:
“If your home is not peaceful, you may not be able to concentrate at work or even during church service. By the way, where is the dinner taking place? And who is off-setting the budget for the party? I’m guessing your husband. Then, will it make sense to disrespect him in the presence of guests by serving others first?”
However, Evangelist Yetunde Olajuyigbe of a non-denominational church highlighted the importance of the place of men of God in the spiritual lives of individuals. She enumerated the role of pastors in spiritual intercessions, maintaining that they feed the spirit of their followers with heavenly manna. This neither husbands nor office bosses can perform.
Since her pastor known as Olusho Agutan in local parlance stands in the gap for her, praying and teaching her the Word – the lay leader contended that she would serve the man first should the scenario under review play out in her home.
Describing the issue as typifying spiritual authority holding sway in many quarters, Olajuyigbe who – barring any unforeseen circumstance – is to celebrate the quindecennial of her wedding next year reiterated that a lot of Christians and Muslims revere their pastors, imams or religious leaders as representative of God. To serve them first, therefore, is to honour the faith, she averred.
Different strokes, they say, for different folks. “My boss pays my salary, giving me some financial authority. This is especially since my husband is currently unemployed. He has been out of work for three years now. So honestly, I will serve my boss first if he visits during a dinner party at my home,” Malama Hadizatu Lawan told us in a tete-a-tete. Asked if her husband would not mind, she replied in the negative. In a country with high unemployment and job pressure, deferring to workplace hierarchy remains a survival strategy, Lawan rationalized.
Although she conceded that several years ago, her choice would have been considered a taboo owing to the potency of cultural and religious beliefs way back then, Malama who disclosed she married 8 years ago cautioned that in the contemporary world, a few questions are germane to young working-class professionals. These include whether individual faith outranks livelihood and if marriage transcends career engagements.
